When a woman posts vulnerably, she doesn’t need a DM - she needs to be seen
A must-read for coaches, creatives, and ethical marketers who value connection over conversion
There’s a particular pattern I see far too often in online spaces, and it deserves to be called out.
A woman shares something raw.
She speaks up from the edge of her strength.
She types out a plea for help, hits ‘post,’ and breathes through the vulnerability of being visible in her need.
Within moments, the comments appear:
"DM sent."
"You NEED this."
"Check your inbox."
"My program can help."
But where is the presence?
Where is the acknowledgment of her courage?
Where is the listening?
What she receives isn’t connection. It’s a collision of cold pitches.
This is not support. It is strategy masquerading as empathy.
Why this hits so hard
Imagine Ellie - the VA or creative who juggles deadlines and doubt, who finally opens up in a group she thought was safe.
She says:
“I’m really struggling with ___.”
She’s not asking for a saviour.
She’s asking to be seen.
Yet, what she gets is a barrage of instruction and intrusion.
No one names her bravery.
No one reflects her humanity.
Only transactions.
This isn’t support. It’s opportunism.
So Ellie stops posting.
She retreats.
She deletes.
She decides it’s safer to suffer quietly than to risk being swarmed.
Why people default to "DM sent"
Because they’ve been taught to equate service with speed.
To interpret emotion as an entry point.
To convert connection into commission.
They’ve internalised the idea that rapid response is a sign of success.
But when someone shares from a tender place, the most valuable currency isn’t advice.
It’s attunement.
Human beings are not leads to be captured.
They are stories in motion, deserving of a pause.
What the Pretty Way sounds like
In my world, we don’t speak to symptoms. We speak to souls.
Here’s how we respond:
“I hear you. That sounds incredibly heavy.”
“Of course you’re feeling stretched. That makes complete sense.”
“You’re not stupid or crazy. You’re human.”
“Let’s slow this down. One dot at a time.”
No pitch or pressure. We don’t need to emotionally hijack her.
What we need is presence, and ironically? Presence is what creates the trust that leads to future clients.
Not because we pushed.
Because we paused.
The five-step shift: from generic to genuine
Here’s the framework I live by and teach inside my spaces:
Reflect the human
"You're not alone. I've seen this come up for many brilliant people."
Name the emotional reality
"It sounds like you've been carrying a lot without much space to breathe."
Normalise the experience
"When we’re overloaded, even the basics can feel impossible. That’s not weakness. It’s wiring."
Offer a gentle dot
"If you’re up for it, here’s one small step that might lighten the load."
Extend optional support
"If you'd like help with this, I'm here to talk it through. No pressure at all."
This is leadership with integrity.
This is mentorship that heals.
This is how safety becomes a sales strategy.
What NOT to say when someone is vulnerable (mini FAQ)
Words matter. When someone shares something raw or real, these phrases can feel invalidating, salesy, or dismissive - even when well-intentioned:
“DM me!” → Assumes consent. It shifts the power dynamic and often puts pressure on the poster to engage privately.
“You NEED this!” → Implies brokenness. It positions your solution as their salvation before even acknowledging their pain.
“I can fix this for you.” → Turns a moment of vulnerability into a transaction, rather than creating a space for connection.
“Have you tried [insert tool/product]?” → Jumps straight to fixing instead of sitting with the real issue first.
Instead, lead with acknowledgment, not assumption.
Connection isn’t created through correction. It’s created through care.
Why this matters to your business
When you meet someone with care instead of conversion tactics, something shifts:
You become memorable.
You earn trust without taking it.
You stand apart from the noise.
You stop chasing, and start attracting.
Because support doesn’t sound like, “You need my program.”
It sounds like, “You make sense. Let’s go gently.”
That’s the Pretty Way and it works.
A gentle invitation
If you appreciate storytelling with substance, if you want to build a business on resonance instead of reactivity, I invite you into Stories from the Dotty Side.
It’s my behind-the-scenes letter where I share the moments that don’t always make it to social media - the deeper dots but quite often the funny side of the dots too.
